Joy or happiness is appropriate for sharing and creating community. When people share intimacy, you can see a shared sense of joy. When people are happy all the time, no matter what happens to them, it`s usually a rogue feeling. I`ve had people on my team who are happy all the time, happy, happy. They didn`t learn to express other emotions that could help them here and now. On the other hand, his parents really struggled with his anger or thirst for adventure. They couldn`t understand it and felt threatened by it. He received no confirmation of his aggressive impulses. In the end, he “stopped” feeling anger as much as he could. The principle of feelings of substitution (or thugs in transactional analysis) is quite simple. In general, we talk about four basic feelings: angry, sad, scared and happy. Would all of this make more sense than what I`m doing or feeling now? Also consider what the thugs you learned in your family were. What other things can I do or feel in this situation? Whenever you express these feelings at the right time and in the right context, it is authentic and not a racket.
Authentic feelings contribute to problem solving. Rogue feelings don`t. For example, let`s say a partner, Andy, doesn`t feel safe about the relationship. He feels like John is going to leave him for someone else. He expresses his fear of John, who enters his thug in rage (about the fact that he must always take care of everyone, just like he did with his mother). Interesting article Prabhjot! “Racket in Relationship” – a nice term, learned. When it comes to rogue feelings, help people get their authentic feeling so they can overcome that and meet their true needs here and now. As you can see, original spontaneous emotions are much more useful because they communicate about the real problems. (It would be better if John could blame his mother when she was a child, rather than calling an adult for reassurance.) However, some of us learn as children in our families of origin that some emotions give us more attention or rewards than others. “Racket feelings” is a term used in transactional analysis to describe familiar, private and negative feelings. This study focused on feelings of racketeering that persisted from infancy and examined the association between rogue feelings, life events, and personality traits among university students (N = 73). Participants drew two curves: one that showed the degree of thug feelings they experienced at different ages, and the other that showed life events at different ages.
Participants also responded to the egogram. We measured the length of each curve from baseline 0 to 0.5 years of the participant`s age. We calculated the level of thug feelings they had experienced in their lives, as well as the quality of life. Participants who had strong thug feelings had more negative events in life and tended to hold back in terms of mental disorders. These findings suggest that the thug`s feelings had a negative impact on his life. The best thing to do with a collection of bad memories is to let them go. Do whatever you need to do to adjust the scale properly, but let it go. Don`t go back to it the next time you argue about something completely different, and dig it all up again. When he argues with his partner, he backs down at the first sign of disagreement. He might be very scared instead of angry enough to protect his own interests.
It`s All in the Game: Working with Games and Rackets, Moniek M. Thunnissen, Transactional Analysis Journal, Volume 31, 2001 – Issue 4 In short, you run a racket in your relationships if you continue to pay a lot of valuable costs for an unproductive payment. And you do it together for days, months, and years, resulting in an unfulfilled and unproductive life. We talked about transactional analytics, which I use to help executives, coaches, and consultants develop and lead their employees. We talked about ego states, transactions, and how people cultivate their own stories instead of being in the here and now. We`ve talked a little bit about what racketeering feelings are, but now I want to talk about how you recognize thug feelings. For example, anger is a very good idea if you need to protect yourself. Anxiety or sadness can make the situation worse. Racketeering is repeated and is often inappropriate; And as in our example, it can work both ways: can you imagine how useless it is for your partner to get angry in response to your tears instead of supporting you or being sad about how you feel? Thus, happiness creates a connection in the here and now. Shared joy is something that is unbeatable when it comes to creating intimacy. When I see a sunset with my partner, we look at each other. We share this pure joy of this shared moment.
Shame is when you did something you probably didn`t have enough protection for. Biblical shame if they didn`t have the fig leaf to cover themselves. When I see people who are ashamed, I immediately wonder if they are sufficiently protected. Shame doesn`t help you solve the problem here and now, which is getting enough protection to do what you need to do. It`s easy to give an example of stamps, I`m sure we`ve all experienced or done it. Imagine “collecting” feelings of resentment toward your partners for not doing enough at home. Feelings of guilt are the curse of the over-responsible. This is when you take responsibility for more than 50% of what happens. We see feelings of guilt when people do something and then regret doing too much or too little.
And if you take on more responsibility on a regular basis, you know that blame is fraud. Whenever someone shows cross-border behavior and you don`t show anger or show pleasant or other behaviors like shame or guilt, when someone else crosses your line, you can check if it`s genuine. I know a lot of women who don`t learn very well how to express their anger. They were not taught when they were growing up, and instead they express their fear. So, to reiterate the idea of racquets, a racquet feeling is a familiar emotion that is learned and nurtured in childhood, experienced in many different situations, and is not helpful for problem solving in adulthood. In a broader sense, a “thug” could be a whole internal or external process by which a person interprets or manipulates their environment so that they eventually confirm their worldview (which is not a “I`m ok, you`re ok” life position! If they have collected enough “stamps”, they can “justify” their anger or any outburst they have in store, even if the current situation does not really justify it. Some people only collect stamps for one day, others keep them for years before exchanging them as part of a long-term game.